A million years ago, cavemen and cavewomen strutted their status by piling rocks. Those with the tallest piles got the best caves that had the ocean view and wheelbarrows with power steering. And so it continues today.

It's human nature for people to want their piles to be higher than the other guy. But there are only so many rocks. If I take your rocks and add them to my pile, I win. And vice versa. So we negotiate.

Here's the rub: 70% of people prefer to avoid negotiation entirely. They'll do it reluctantly, but deep down inside they wish it would just go away. And when you peel away the layers of this reluctant onion, what you find is a fear of losing.

The Past: 8 Most Important Words in Business were: Buy Low, Sell High, Collect Early, Pay Late.

Historically our collective view of negotiation is buying a used car. Aggressive, pushy salesman trying to get you to do decide now, pay more, don't delay. We hate that. It's called "positional" negotiating, which imposes my position on yours. It isn't really negotiation at all. It's a competition. And in competitions there are winners and losers. Ergo, the fear of losing.

The Future: The Relationship Must Outlive the Negotiation

In business, we have to face that customer, supplier or employee tomorrow, and the next day. There's an ongoing relationship. We start all negotiations with the realization and belief that the relationship will outlive the negotiation. The definitive work on great negotiation is "Getting to Yes" by Fisher and Ury, written almost 40 years ago. They propose a different method from traditional positional negotiation, called "merits" or "interests" negotiation. We subscribe to this new method. In fact we take it further. We believe in "Both Grow" negotiation in which all sides elevate and grow.

Every Negotiation should start with two objectives...

1. Get the best deal for our side; and

2. Get a "Both Grow" outcome for both sides.

Sound impossible? Not at all. Are we serving conflicting masters here...not really. Just seems that way. When it's done right, it's a great achievement. If you're committed to continuous improvement and building a world-class business, we should talk.