The best negotiators are almost always the best listeners. Why does the correlation exist? Invariably, the best negotiators observe the communication skills, both verbal and nonverbal, of their counterparts. They hear and note how other negotiators make effective use of word choice and sentence structure. They realize that when they listen carefully to what their counterpart is saying, they inevitably learn something new.
Unfortunately, few negotiators know how to be good listeners, and negotiators who are poor listeners miss numerous opportunities to learn more about their counterparts’ needs and goals. Statistics indicate that the untrained listener is likely to understand and retain only about 50 percent of a conversation. This relatively poor retention rate drops to an even less impressive 25 percent just forty-eight hours later. This means that an untrained listener’s recall of particular conversations will usually be inaccurate and incomplete.
Many communication problems in negotiations can be attributed to poor listening skills. To be a good listener, you must attempt to be objective. Try to understand not just your counterpart’s words, but the intentions behind his words. Whenever he tells you something, you must ask yourself questions like “Why did he tell me that? What does he think my reaction should be? Was he being honest?” and so on.
Experts on listening suggest that we all make at least one major listening mistake each day. For negotiators, such mistakes can be costly. It seems obvious, but studies prove that the most successful negotiators are those who are able to uncover more of their counterparts’ needs than their less successful colleagues. Effective listening helps negotiators uncover their counterparts’ needs and goals, and this information is essential to creating win-win outcomes.
Three Pitfalls of Listening
First, many people believe that negotiating is primarily a job of persuasion, and they think that persuasion means talking. They see talking as an active role and listening as a passive role. What they seem to forget is that persuasion is extremely difficult when you don’t know what motivates the people you are trying to persuade!
Second, poor listeners tend to concentrate on what they have to say rather than on what their counterpart is saying, and they use their listening time preparing for their next turn to speak. In so doing, they may fail to pay attention to information that could be vital later in the negotiation.
Third, people let their emotional filters or blinders prevent them from hearing what they do not want to hear and seeing what they do not want to see. Words are only a small part of any message. Vocal intonation and nonverbal behavior also play a role. When a man utters the words “I love you,” a wise woman looks beyond those words to his vocal intonation and nonverbal behavior before deciding whether to believe him. Good listeners and observers know how to minimize the effect of their emotional blinders so they can honestly evaluate their counterparts’ true feelings.
Negotiation in Action - Listening Your Way to Success
Successful negotiators understand that when it comes to speaking, less is better. In fact, many accomplished negotiators are very comfortable with silence and use it to their advantage. They know that you can’t talk and listen at the same time, and that effective listening not only builds rapport with your counterpart, but often results in a quicker, more favorable outcome.
Recently, we installed new carpet in our office building. We knew we needed approximately 8000 square feet of commercial grade carpet, and asked three vendors for bids. We were amazed at the variance in the proposals. For what we felt was basically the same carpet and installation, the prices varied by as much as $4500.00. When questioning the vendors as to the difference in prices, two seemed clearly inpatient with us and basically had a “take it or leave it attitude.” One of these two abruptly said, “If you think you can get this job done for less, just fax us a competitor’s bid. We’ll either match it or show you why our carpet is superior.”
The third vendor seemed far more interested in us as not just a facility to carpet, but as a small business. He took the time to listen to our concerns regarding interruption of work during installation, projected life of the carpet, and the challenges of selecting a color that would work well with our existing décor. He patiently asked questions, listened to our responses and made suggestions to help us explore our options. He helped us understand the many variables involved in buying carpet, such as grades of commercial carpet, the impact of the installation on workflow, the warranty, the various types of molding, etc. Ultimately, his patience, ability to ask the right questions and listen to our responses earned him the job! While he wasn’t the lowest priced vendor, when considering the total package we negotiated, we feel we got a great deal and would highly recommend this vendor!