One of my most puzzling negotiations involved what seemed at the outset to be a simple matter of confirming some consulting dates.

A prior client contacted me by phone and left a voice mail expressing interest in doing a customized seminar. I phoned back promptly, and we had a very upbeat and detailed chat, during which I indicated my calendar was better for booking, sooner than later.

My follow-up email offered a set of dates about five weeks away, and I awaited an overnight check to secure the time slot. A check, that after a week, never came, forcing me to write an email expressing concern, which wasn't responded to, either.

Not appreciating business mysteries, I phoned within a few hours of sending that email. I was told there was a split of opinion at the client's company about doing the dates I suggested, which in actuality, were dates my client had selected.

Again, we had a nice conversation and I was assured I'd have my confirmation the next day, which also came and went in silence. Finally, after yet another phone call, I got an email requesting dates two months into the future, which I supplied promptly, also requesting confirmation.

But that led to more silence.

Who was I to believe: the positive and definite phone person or the elusive email enigma?

This is not an easy question to answer. While some folks are easier to sell through one medium versus another, there are also people that are better at dissimulation by phone or by email. Complicating the interpretive process is the fact that many people are awful writers and know it, so their missives sound stiff and strategic, or they avoid putting paws to keyboards, altogether, fearing they'll make an indelible mistake or embarrass themselves.

In short, we could wait forever for them to write a responsive email.

Sometimes, people suffer from phone fear, a sort of situational shyness or performance anxiety that makes them sound evasive or overly cautious. Thus, the human voice isn't a reliable conveyor of all of the facts we'd like to know at a given time.

We just can't say, "Trust email, because if you get a commitment in writing, you're set!" Nor can we say, "You can always tell if someone is lying over the phone!"

Perhaps the rubber meets the road with a Dun & Bradstreet expression that I have used frequently as a negotiation touchstone: "The deal isn't made until the money is paid."

Once that check is in hand, providing it's a good one, we might be able to relax, feeling at least one part of the negotiation is over. That is, until we receive that next set of voice and emails that seem to point in opposite directions!