Research in communication suggests that as much as 90 percent of the meaning transmitted between two people in face-to-face communications is via nonverbal channels.  This means that in a negotiation, as little as 10 percent of your message is transmitted through your words.  What is staggering about these percentages is that the communication channel you have the most control over, the verbal, has the least impact on your counterpart; and the channels over which you have the least control, such as vocal intonation and nonverbal behavior, have the most impact. 

Communication experts tell us that in a thirty-minute negotiation, two people can send over eight hundred different nonverbal messages.  If neither participant understands - or is even aware of - these messages, both people are communicating primarily on a subconscious level.  No wonder so many negotiations have a negative outcome!

This month we will discuss the three stages of nonverbal negotiation, and next month we will start to look at specific gestures and how to "catch" the nonverbal signals your counterpart is sending.

The Three Stages of Nonverbal Negotiation

Learning the art of nonverbal communication is almost as difficult as acquiring fluency in a foreign language. In addition to studying your own gestures and the messages you are conveying to your counterpart, you must also become aware of your counterpart’s gestures and their meaning. As you gain experience at recognizing the various aspects of nonverbal communication, you will pass through three distinct stages.

1. Awareness of your counterpart. After some initial training, you will begin to notice nonverbal signals your counterpart is sending. Is he talking to you with his arms or legs crossed? Is he looking at you eye to eye? Is he covering his mouth while asking a question? You will begin to recognize clusters of signals that may indicate whether your counterpart is honest, trustworthy, bored, angry, or defensive. At first you will not be 100 percent certain how to handle these signals, but at least you will be aware that something is going on.

2. Awareness of yourself. Once you begin to realize that your counterpart is telling you things without opening her mouth, it will probably dawn on you that you are also communicating nonverbally. For example, during a negotiation, you may note that your counterpart is sitting back in her chair with both her legs and arms crossed. Her body language is conveying that she isn’t being receptive. Once you are aware of what your counterpart’s body language is saying, you may realize that you are also sitting back in your chair with your notepad on your lap and your legs crossed. To understand your counterpart’s body language, you must first be aware of your own.

3. Using nonverbal communication to manage yourself and others. In the example above, once you become aware of your counterpart’s body language, you can change your own nonverbal communication. By putting your notepad on the table, sliding forward in your seat, and uncrossing your legs, you can change your position to a much more receptive one. Once you begin to manage your nonverbal behavior and that of your counterpart, you will start reaping the benefits of “speaking the language.” Body language reflects people’s true feelings. The better you understand that language, the more you will be able to use it to your advantage.

The Language of Nonverbal Communication

When you study a foreign language, you generally take home a list of vocabulary words to learn every night, right? It’s the same with nonverbal communication. If you want to become fluent in the language, you have to do your homework. Study the messages people send through their gestures.  Once you have mastered these basics, you will be more skilled at recognizing all the messages you and your counterpart in a negotiation are conveying. Then you can use this information to create win-win outcomes.

Gerard Nierenberg and Henry Calero, in How to Read a Person like a Book, introduced the concept of nonverbal communication signals. In Nonverbal Selling Power, Gerhard Gschwandtner discusses the importance of recognizing nonverbal communication signals—in yourself and in your counterpart.

These nonverbal gestures convey dominance and power

Placing feet on desk
Making piercing eye contact
Putting hands behind head or neck
Placing hands on hips
Giving a palm-down handshake
Standing while counterpart is seated
Steepling (fingertips touching)

These nonverbal gestures convey submission and nervousness

Fidgeting
Making minimum eye contact
Touching hands to face, hair, etc.
Using briefcase to “guard” body
Giving a palm-up handshake
Clearing throat