Negotiations
Training
Becoming
a Neutral Observer:
Detaching Yourself
from a Negotiation
There are times
when negotiations become
difficult and each party becomes wrapped up in conflict rather
than focusing on how to resolve an issue and move towards an agreement.
People face this all the time. One of the best ways to deal with
such a situation is to step back from the negotiation and detach
oneself from the discussion.
Now, what do
we mean by "detach"? First off, we aren't implying that
one should become aloof or stop caring about what is taking place.
Nothing could be further from the truth. What we do mean is that
the best way to appraise
the situation is to almost turn yourself into a neutral
observer, someone who can weigh both sides to help resolve a
possible conflict. Rather than reacting in a negative way and seeking
to lash out against the other party, you figuratively detach yourself
and think, "What is taking place among these two parties?"
This is an effective
approach because it allows one to step back, take control of
their emotions and focus
on situation.
To do this,
think about some of the different strategies the other party may
be using. Are they negotiating in a fair
and straightforward manner? Have I found that they are using
tactics to try to gain an unfair advantage during
our negotiation? Is there an approach they are using to try
to take control of our
discussions? If you are spotting their use of tactics, you are
one step ahead of the other party as their approach won't have an
effect on you.
Once you have
a clear idea of the strategy they are using, use questions to deal
with it. As we teach when it comes to dealing with tactics, questions
help uncover
motivations and the use of tactics. If things get too hair,
it helps to then call a time out or ask for a moment to make a call
or check on something that came to mind. Give yourself some time
to physically step away from the negotiating
table. Use this time to determine how to deal with the situation
and move forward. Remember that your end goal is to come
to an agreement that both of you will find satisfactory. Even
if the other party isn't playing fair, you can still work to reach
the finish line amicably.
Ultimately,
you have to take this approach in a manner that does not allow your
emotions to get the best of your. So, as you use this strategy,
remember the following six steps:
1. Keep Your
Emotions in
Check
2. Analyze the
Other Party's Strategy
3. Use
Questions
4. Call
a "Time Out"
5. Formulate
a Strategy to Counter their Approach
6. Stay Focused
on the End Goal
7. The Ends
Do Not Necessarily Justify the Means - Use a Win-Win Approach
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